I have many riots going on inside me!!
Just the other day I posted something personal on Facebook and received very few likes. Within seconds my ego started shouting. Most riots start peacefully, and this one too started that way, with my ego demonstrating its dissatisfaction with just a few simple things. My ego organizes demonstrations almost every day so this was not out of the ordinary. My ego used high expectations, selfishness and disappointment in his demonstration – nothing that required me to call in more police reinforcements or acceptance. My ego demonstrations are an everyday occurrence. We are all used to it by now.
The problems started when 10 hours had passed by and my ego realized there were still only two likes on my post. He was not having it. He started with yelling things like, “No one likes you,” “You are horrible,” “No one cares about you,” “You have no friends,” etc. He then turned and threw the first stone at me. “Look how many likes Jennifer got for a stupid post about eating ice cream! You are pathetic!” Then out of nowhere showed up shame, blame, self-hatred, embarrassment, depression and many more. And just like that, I had a riot on my hands.
The rioters got louder and crazier with time. They started looting my thoughts and my beliefs; they broke into my spirit and stole anything that had to do with my heart. I had no choice – I had to call for help. I couldn’t fight them by myself. I couldn’t keep the order and peace in my streets anymore. It was getting out of control. I was getting hurt. So I put in the call for reinforcements – the big guns, my national guard. Love, compassion, acceptance and my heart showed up in full force and riot gear. They formed a line holding their shields up against the words and sentences that were thrown at them by the rioters. It was getting intense. The rioters were not letting go. They started getting more and more personal and hurtful, throwing thoughts like, “Nothing will ever work out for you!” “Everything you do fails!” and, “You’re 41 and still no one likes you. It’s over. Give it up!” My forces held a firm line, only responding when feelings felt like they may get out of control.
After a day, when the rioters showed no signs of stopping or even slowing down, I had to intervene.
I gave the order to love, compassion, acceptance and my heart to march forward and take control of the situation. It was time. They started using affirmations, meditation and Kundalini yoga to disperse the rioters – in some neighborhoods more than others. They continued nonstop without letting go, using the powerful tools at their disposal to break down the large crowd of shame that had gathered. They arrested the self-hatred looters and finally sprayed all over, remaining present until there were only a few scattered, non-harmful rioters left.
This riot was over and under control for today.
Some riots are not that easy to dismantle. They take days, months, sometimes even years. My addiction riot took years and the only way it ended was with the fall of the addiction government and the rise of sobriety as the ruling force. My self-worth riot has been going on for years. It has turned into a long, stand out, conflicted war that has had many peace agreements and summits attempts, all of which have failed and there’s no end to the conflict in sight.
Do you have any riots inside of you?